I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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