i wish peter jackson would direct porn
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
