fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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