i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
