I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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