y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i've created a new STD.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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