he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
