dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize