remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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