Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
