i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
