god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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