I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
