Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
