youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sober January is a disaster.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
