i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
