OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
