I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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