I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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