oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
