i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
