I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
