I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
