Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
