It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
