I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
