Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
