the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
