You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
