first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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