I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
