Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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