I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
