In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
