Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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