he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
