i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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