Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
