hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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