Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
