she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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