i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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