No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize