I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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