I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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