McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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