I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
