ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
