I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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