whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
