I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
