it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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