When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
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I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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