sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
