I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Randomize
