Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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