It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
