Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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