And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
