Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
