If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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