If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
