Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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