I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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