when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
