oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
one might say we're banned from that church
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
