I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
