I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
