Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
