Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
