I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
