I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
