In the future we'll all be gay
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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