Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
