smell my finger.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
