There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
