first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
