Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
